Sister Organza’s Scriptorium

by The Abbot

The United States has long prided itself as a great moral force. We like being “the good guys.” During the last several decades, both during WWII and immediately after, there emerged a genre of film based on the premise that America was always right. Later films too, especially in the 1980s, loved to portray America as the hero or the righteous victor. Rocky. Rambo. Iron Eagle. Top Gun. Any suggestion that the United States was anything other than the epitome of a moral example was a call for treason. These movies, and others like them, are premised on an outdated image of America as the protector of democracy and leader of the free world. Perhaps initially, during the darkest days of WWII, this may have been true. But slowly there emerged a country no longer committed to liberty, but rather to the preservation and cultivation of our brand of capitalism. This force, and not the one that millions of Americans had just struggled to protect, became the real America.

We forgot who we were and why we fought. We forgot for what we died and sacrificed. The idea of freedom is one that changes depending on who is doing that defining and when the defining is done. As we beat our breasts with the chant of liberty and freedom, we hear only a hollow echo. We live in a country where freedom and the US of A mean nothing. We know this to be true as more people today in our country are not free and do not enjoy the benefits of liberty as promised by our Founders. Currently, our country that so loves freedom and our President who loves the flag so much that he might publicly dry hump it, have begun a war against immigrants, the LGBTQ community, and a host of religious and non-religious minorities. They live in fear. They live in a perpetual shadow of the projected perfection of a nation who has not only forgotten them but has found it necessary to directly deny them their inalienable rights.

But it is much worse than the mere scapegoating of those who are different. In recent years, our wealthy country has begun a war against the poor. Yet oddly and frighteningly enough, it is the poor themselves who have ignited, and ultimately it. Instigated by the wealthy and powerful. A culture war of hyper-masculinity has taken foot. Associating oneself with a hypermasculine figure, such as Trump, or Rogan, or Bezos, or Musk is enough for any person, no matter how poor and weak they may be, to project the image of popular notions of success and power without actually having any. This is always done at the expense of others. Perhaps most dangerous though is that any challenge to this emerging culture of success by association results only in further entrenchment and violent reaction. We have seen it time and again. At every Trump Rally, and in every white supremacist protest, or in every gathering of the feeble minded on Fox News. The hypermasculine way of life is packaged and sold to people who should not be buying this…ever.

A tragic result of the new America is that the true Christ, the man made known to us through the Gospels, is now lost. Within the new hypermasculine America the Jesus of the Gospels would never be viewed as successful, or powerful or worthwhile. He would be called a loser. He hung out with some of the worst kinds of people of his day. He championed, not the wealthy, but rather the poor. Men like Trump and Musk would be the target of Christ’s harshest criticisms – not the object of his praise. When Jesus stood and fought the Roman and Jewish authorities, he was resigned to his fate and he willingly underwent arrest, abuse, torture and execution without offering even the very least resistance. The hypermasculine, Trumpland culture would find a man who behaved that way to be weak. In fact, if given just the bare narrrative of the passion, I would be surprised if any Trumper Christian would find that their Lord and Savior was anything but a big pussy.

This new culture, perpetuated by myths of what makes a man and the displays of that masculinity, only seek to create an image of what makes a man and humorously enough ignore what, in fact, makes a man. A man is not a bully. Not ever. Bullies are cowards at their very worst. A man is never concerned with material things and money over the well-being of others, especially those whom he is commanded to love. A man does not kill creatures for the sake of sport. A man does not treat women as less-than. A man can wear lipstick, or heels, or a wig, or a vintage Balenciaga or Halston gown. A man can have sex with another man and not somehow lose his “maleness.” It does not diminish a man when he engages in activities that are “not for boys.” A real man supports his spouse. He can clean up after himself. He can cook. He can do his own laundry. A man is capable of living on his own without his mommy having to come and care for him twice a week like some helpless baby.

This new crisis in our country is one of identity. It is easy to have the same values as Trump or Musk if one is no longer concerned with the American ethos of making it on one’s own. This is the profound irony of this culture war. The long held and sacred American work ethic is now discarded. It is not one’s own hard work to take as one’s entire personality, the way of life of a group of men and women who have earned very little of their wealth through actual hard work. Building your own home, breaking new soil and planting fresh crops, or traveling thousands of miles by oxcart is not the same as influencing legislation to keep more of your ill-gotten fortune by keeping your fellow Americans sick, imprisoned, destitute, and terrified. Will Americans now under the spell of this new, bizarre take on what makes America great remain so enamored with these lies? Or will they do what all of those on the right and even many on the left fear the most and think for themselves? What is the endgame?

I look to Nazi Germany- specifically at the period immediately following their defeat in WWII. For it is here that we may see what our endgame might look like. The American trance is almost the same as the German one. People have fallen in love with the devils who purport to lead this nation and with the monstrous, and thoroughly un-American ethos that they bring with them. In much the same way, a fringe group of ogres captivated the German people. It began with a strange platform predicated on scapegoating, fear and anger. Adolf Hitler’s only true genius lied in his ability to, not only communicate, but also somehow convince the German people that their problems and their situation was not the result of their own poor choices or even mere chance but rather was the fault of others- specifically Jewish people, Communists, intellectuals, the deformed and homosexuals. Hitler sold his brand of upmarket laziness to an equally lazy subset of the German people.

Trump himself is incredibly lazy. He spent much of his first term eating McDonalds and playing golf. He found that blaming people with no voice and no power was a far easier, and ultimately, winning solution rather than using whatever remains of his brain and coming up with any real result. It is easier and far more lazy to assert American energy independence with old and outdated dwindling sources of energy. It is easier to blame so-called “welfare queens” and undocumented immigrants for government waste rather than the billionaires who evade their taxes legally, through a system created and advocated by those who have never done any real hard work. Those who have attached themselves to this bandwagon are nothing more than the muck surrounding the leeches sucking America dry.

We are therefore left with a choice. We can choose to remain in the lane we are in and continue to blame the vulnerable for our own problems or get into the slow lane, riddled with bumps and potholes and maybe actually fix them along our slow progress forward. As all things in the human realm, it is a choice. We can choose the false liberty, the lie, that Trump and his kind sell wrapped up in gold foil and tied with a big fake gold bow or we can choose real human freedom and learn that this kind of fresh air may come with elements we may not all like or agree with but in the end is the true promise of the one called God by some, the Universe by others, or life by others still. We can author a profound epic or a bitter tragedy.

by Sr. Organza Pettingfield, OLBQ

I am not much one for politics. But have you seen the shitshow in Washington? Donald Trump’s big beautiful buxom bill, which not only increases spending in areas that are unnecessary while simultaneously slashing spending for those our most vulnerable of citizens, but also seeks to reward the super-rich with $2.4 trillion dollars in tax cuts over the next several years to the detriment of our kids. That is something coming from the party of economic responsibility. Why do we repeatedly fall for this con?

Elon Musk did not seem a fan of this bill. Ultimately, he is bitching about it not being more severe in spending cuts. But wasn’t he originally tasked with finding ways to cut federal spending? And didn’t he ultimately fail at that endeavor? Look, I am not a fan of either of these two men (Can we use that word for these things? I am not sure either is 100% human.) But how can you complain about a bill not doing enough to cut spending when you were the person who was supposed to give input about where the government should be cutting spending in the first place? Elon. Shut the fuck up.

And then we have Trump moaning about how much Elon owes him. Sr. Organza is not a math genius nor do I know a lot about finance except I still cannot afford a Birkin, but I do know that I am not sure Elon Musk owes Donald Trump anything. Maybe I’m getting older and my memory is not what it was, but didn’t Elon spend like $100 million trying to get this walking talking bag of wet, stale circus peanut candy elected? I also think he was sending money to people in Wisconsin paying them to vote for Nazis or something? Either way, Elon spent enough money to make King Solomon blush to get a pig in pig’s clothing elected to the White House.

The feud is becoming epic and I am here with my popcorn maker, melted butter and martini just enjoying watching their relationship implode. When you have two men of equal temperament, evil intent and dick size trying to each ruin, I mean run, the country (sorry, autocorrect), you are bound to get this level of crazy. Something that puzzles me though, where are all the Republican women, these conservative asshats, who believed that a woman lacked the temperament for the presidency? Their fearless idiot of man is having a toddler-level tantrum publicly. But let’s not bring up the inadequacy of a woman to run the country. I doubt that Kamala Harris would ever done or said the things that Trump has said in just the last two days let alone over four years of what should have been her first term as president. I’m a woman and I can say without a doubt, while I have been petty, there is a time and a place for that level of childishness. It ain’t here girls.

Elon revealed that Trump is a pedophile. Which, I am sorry to say isn’t remotely shocking. Then Trump talked about Elon’s drug use. Again, are we supposed to be aghast at the revelation that a super wealthy deformed alien billionaire is into drugs? I can walk to the drug store and see super poor perfectly normal looking, non-bloated, unhoused who are as high as kites. Trump has also threatened or at least hinted that Elon might be an illegal immigrant and will be deported. (But he’s also suggested that about any number of people of color who disagree with him. Are we sure he knows what makes a person a citizen?) Elon then retaliates with suggesting Trump be impeached. He also suggested that there should be a political party in this country that represents the other 80%. Oh that made Sr. Organza chuckle. Imagine, a billionaire wanting to make sure the plebes were represented. First, he needs to learn that the “other 80%” is not precisely accurate. While there does exist the top 20%, the rest of this country is made up of the bottom 20%, which already votes against their own interests. Then we have the middle 60% broken further in two by those who have some and those who have just slightly more but think they’re rich. Ultimately, Elon, though I fully support immigration and the great value immigrants bring to our country, I again respectfully ask that you shut the fuck up. If anyone is going to bring to the middle a political party that will represent our interests, it shouldn’t be a shit-stirring animated potato from the deepest of racist South Africa.

After all of this, aside from completely distracting the country from something really important, like the return of Gretchen Rossi to the Real Housewives of Orange County franchise or the Diddy trial, we are no further along as a country. We still have these two embarrassingly hideous babies with manboobs arguing over which of the poor and middle class should be fleeced first. We also now know, beyond any doubt, that a Trump voter is a person with either no brain, no free will, or no morals. They elected, partly on the advice and mostly with the financial banking of a morally bankrupt insidious Willy Wonka, a man who is now likely a pedophile and a previously known predator of young women.

So at the end of the day, I think we should all grab our version of a fiddle and watch Rome burn. I’m opting for a B-52…the drink, not the bomber darlings. Cheers!

by The Abbot

Lately, the concept of leadership has begun to look unrecognizable. Some modern leaders have confused blind encouragement or empty reassurances for real leadership. These are the self-called leaders who keep their constituencies in echo chambers. They repeat back to the people they represent exactly what it is that those people want to hear. This is not a leader. By that definition a king leading his troops into battle in medieval Europe would turn and run at the first sight of trouble only because his men were terrified. This is the kind of leader exhibited and encouraged by the politics of today. Electoral cowards who say and do nothing unless it will get them elected, make them more popular, or encourage larger attendance numbers at their Nuremberg-style rallies.

A real leader is one out in front – in the lead. They are innovating and encouraging their people onward, not back, reminding them of their own strength and inherent power. They are not afraid to tell a constituency of rabid white supremacists that they are mistaken and that their views are not supported by any of the sources or ideologies cited from the past. They are not afraid to tell their gun-loving voters that it is both possible to keep and bear arms and have reasonable and responsible gun regulations in order to avoid another Sandy Hook or Pulse or Uvalde, or or or or… However, in order to do this, that leader will have to put their own job on the line and lead, instead of parrot. Sometimes people need to hear difficult truths about their own ignorance and stupidity.

Imagine Jesus Christ leading like Donald Trump. He would end up just agreeing with the pharisees, scribes and priests upholding asinine purity laws and exclusionary rules as well as continuing to support the Roman occupation of Palestine. There would never have been any parables, or miracles, or healings. To do any of these would have challenged the status quo and an antiquated system of worship. This is in effect what many of our modern leaders are doing right now. It is also proof-positive of the religious right’s blasphemy at hinting, suggesting or outright saying that Donald Trump is remotely like Jesus or is somehow chosen by God.

The “America First” or “America for Americans” mantras so beloved today are deeply unsound and predicated on an antique understanding of the way our world works. America cannot isolate itself. This is not a country that can be protected by thousands of miles of ocean and air anymore. It was far easier for people in 1914 to claim isolationism as a legitimate policy. Air travel was in its infancy with transoceanic crossings being made only by steamship over many weeks over treacherous waters. There were no rockets. There were no satellites. It became even harder in 1940 to claim isolationism. As technology improved, so did the ability for people on the other side of the globe to reach us.

Now in this day and age to claim that our county can stand alone is nothing more than an insidious betrayal of the American people. We live in a world where getting from France to the United States is a matter of hours, not weeks. Virtually, one can speak with all of Germany or Japan in seconds rather than months. We live in a world that allows anyone anywhere the ability to know what is going on anyplace else with everyone else in an instant. We live in a world where the kinds of innovations that made these marvels possible are what grow countries and make them leaders on a global scale. To not encourage American leadership and innovation on the global stage seeks to negate our dominance as a superpower. It is possible to both “take care of our own” and lead the planet at the same time. The problem here is that the solution is one that the very wealthy would rather not hear. In order to foster the world’s greatest economy, technology, industry, and creativity it costs money. In order to lead the world and seek to invest in and nurture American interests abroad it takes capital. That would mean that America’s wealthiest would need to actually pay their taxes. This is something that currently they are not doing. If you want a shock, I would suggest looking at not only the percentage paid by the average middle class American in income taxes versus the average percentage paid by the average top 5% of Americans in taxes. The disparity is shocking.

The falsehood-the fake news- is that millionaires and billionaires are paying their fair share. Not only do people like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos pay less in a percentage in taxes, they pay less in actual amount than the average middle-class family. Think about that. They pay LESS IN THE ACTUAL AMOUNT. As Musk launches some other useless rocket into space and buys another mega yacht, he is paying less in actual tax dollars than a plumber and his teacher wife from Warren, Michigan. It is irrelevant how hard Musk has worked. The impact on others and the environment that the couple from Warren impose is miniscule when compared to the damage done by Musk’s activities. The definition of a fair share should also include the damage to the natural environment and the toll corporate activities have taken on average Americans.

If there is to be a future with a free America in the forefront, it will mean a day of reckoning for the very wealthy and their biggest cronies- your political leaders. We can absolutely remain America First while at the same time remembering that we are not alone, but only when we recall that our great wealth and power come with a price. Although it may be cliché to say so, with that power comes responsibility. The recklessness and disregard exhibited by those currently in power should be alarming to the vast majority of Americans.

This moment, as I am writing, two of those alleged leaders are in a teenage girl-style feud. It is both sobering and sad that the idea that women are somehow too emotional or unstable to lead can still be advocated when two grown, wealthy men, are fighting in a manner more consistent with children than adults.

Our nation should be doing everything it can preparing and growing new leaders for a future that will look very different from even 20 years ago. We cannot afford leadership who views the world through the lenses of a 1950s era husband or father-knows-best. Our country is very near falling decades behind our closest rivals and the fault of that lies squarely in the laps of those currently in power. If we are going to equal and surpass those countries, we need leadership that thinks progressively and is mindful that just saying America is great does not make it so.

By Sr. Organza Pettingfield

Christians and the non-denominational crowd absolutely go ga-ga over St. Paul’s first reading to the Corinthians. It’s often called his Hymn to Love. Everyone knows it. Love is patient. Love is kind. Blah blah blah. He goes on a bit about what love isn’t and ends with the flourish that love remains when everything else is gone. It is a lovely reading and for those of us who find St. Paul to be, how does one say, a tad misogynistic, it’s one of his better letters. But even after all of that, I am not so sure St. Paul went far enough or really nailed down (ooh bad pun) the concept of what love is and how it moves among us. While St. Paul’s idea of love looks great on a plaque hanging in Joni Ernst’s living room where it gathers dust as I am not sure she knows was being a Christian is, I believe it is much much bigger.

God, the Universe, creation, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, has given each one of its creations endless opportunities for love. Humans are confronted daily with virtually unlimited moments to execute our duty to love while on earth. If you’re married, or partnered, or throupled or whatever the hell kind of relationship you’re in, from the moment you wake up- you have someone to love and hopefully, someone who will reciprocate that love. Parents? Have their children and children, their parents. I could discuss every familial relationship ad infinitum, but you get my point.

If family is not your thing because your family is toxic, dysfunctional, crazy, or inbred, fear not! God has also given us animals and plants to love. Dogs, cats, parakeets, goldfish, hamsters, rabbits, orchids, fiddle leaf figs, spider plants. Yes. You can absolutely love something that, to your limited human perception, does not seem to always love you back. The very undertaking of caring for these vulnerable creations is a profound act of selfless love.

When we talk about love, we think hearts and kisses and hugs. We think of those weird chalk hearts we eat during Valentine’s Day. We think of saying the words, “I love you.” We think of a diapered winged baby shooting little arrows out of his quiver. Love is not a word. It isn’t Cupid. Love is transcendent. It’s creative. It’s transformative. I’m aging myself, but years ago there was a song that featured the lyrics, “making love out of nothing at all.” Scientists and really anyone who questions the creation story as laid out in Genesis are baffled by the idea of creatio ex nihilo (the creation of everything from nothing). But to those who do believe in something greater than themselves, making something from nothing should be a rather easy concept. God itself loved the universe into being. While God’s thought process may be the shape and form of that universe- it was not the catalyst or rather the beginning of that universe.

Love was there at the beginning. This first profound act of love echoes still and reverberates off every star, every planet, and every black hole. Loving the universe into being means that attached to each atom, there exists a part of that divine love.

Love is an act of willful desire for the good and vitality of something or someone other than oneself without any thought of repayment in any way. What does something that has no need of anything expect from its creations? Nothing. God has no expectations from its massive multiverse. It is solely there for the delight of its creations. This is true from God down to the tiniest measurable particle. God needs nothing. If you believe he does, then your God is indeed a weak and frail one.

God creates the universe. Within this universe are countless wonders – like nebulae. This resonance of that first act of love, these clouds of super-heated gas create stars, much like our own. And then the residual material that surround them coalesce into planets. Some planets like Neptune or Jupiter offer no distinct biological life. But biological life is not needed for love to be present or expressed.

Occasionally, a star will get a planet like earth brimming with the potential for life. Earth in turn begets land and sky and sea and eventually plants and animals. Each of those offer opportunities for love. A tree, say an apple tree, brings forth flowers every summer. Those flowers provide vital food for bees and hummingbirds who then pollinate that flower. The flower withers and dies to become an apple which is then food for people, or horses, or whatever wants to eat them. Keep this in mind, the apple tree is putting forth its apples with no expectation of return from anything that it feeds. An endless cycle of love and that’s just for apples. Don’t me started on grapes or potatoes which bring forth vodka, which in turn begets Cosmopolitans which in turns leads to a chastising email from The Abbot after the office Christmas party.

Though it may seem ridiculous that a tree can love us, our understanding of the universe and the creations within it is limited to our senses and to those instruments we have invented to augment them. Until fairly recently, we had no idea what a bacterium was. If you had told a person living in the 1300s that the plague was caused by a tiny, nearly invisible, organism, rather than sin, they would have thought you were possessed and burned you at a stake. So why is it inconceivable today that there still exist characteristics of our own world that are there but are not yet observable? The truth is our short lives and shortsightedness into our future as a species mean we have limited vision. We know very little about this magnificent universe.

I am not suggesting we come up with a love-scope. (But what an amazing band name.) Love is not a thing. What I am suggesting is that we do not know if there are other forms of communication among the other things within our universe that we simply cannot hear. Within the last several decades, we didn’t realize that elephants and hippos can communicate, or talk really, over vast distances using subsonic sounds. (Usually this is unfounded gossip about one another.) These are sounds with waves so large that we cannot hear them. Also, why does communication need to be sound alone. I can give my best girlfriend one eyebrow raise and she knows exactly what the hell I am talking about. (Girl, did you see that? Is he wearing a toupee?) The point is, we can never be 100% sure that we have not only observed but also completely understood all forms of communication that exist on earth. And because we cannot understand all forms of communication, we really have no way of knowing if a tree wishes us well, or tells us to fuck off, or is appalled by what we’re wearing. Or what’s to say the moon or a rock or a mountain can’t also “speak”? Couldn’t the moon desire something nice for something else? What if we learned that our moon shone simply for the delight of humankind? Now our universe becomes fully alive with love.

In a way, humans are the only known creation thus far that can perform an act without involving the broader understanding of love. These include the entire array of negative emotions with their corresponding negative actions. Hatred is not only the opposite of love, but also an anti-matter anomaly directly opposed to the underlying will of the universe. People who hate are unnatural aberrations – freaks who seek to undermine God’s creation. So, when conservative “Christians” speak of measures to oppress, repress or destroy LGBTQ folks, or liberals or whatever group they take illogical and unnecessary umbrage with that month, they are acting in direct opposition to God itself. The unnatural creatures here are not gay men, lesbian women, transwomen, transmen, queer folk – they are arrogant, unloving, blasphemous, and – dare I say it- heretical Christians and other religious like them who out of a lazy understanding of their faith have chosen to hate by permission of their limited vision of what/who/where/how God is. And the heartbreaking thing is that it does not have to be this way. Hatred is futile and will, in the end, be consumed by love.

Sorry St. Paul. Love not only remains. It is truly all that there is.

By Sr. Organza Pettingfield, OLBQ

Blanche Devereaux once said that the name says it all – nun. Girl. There’s more to life than sex. Although nowadays I rather wish I hadn’t vowed to avoid all that. I wonder if making out counts? I digress. Thank god for “men” like Stephen Miller to think about during those trying times or I would be in big trouble with a number of go-go boys. Yes. I am a nun. Years ago I was an outspoken drag queen. But the Order of the Bitchy Queens of WeHo was calling and as it was, would let virtually anyone in as long as they’re wearing Christian Louboutin. I wasn’t since I couldn’t afford those on the budget of an out-of-work drag queen. But what I could afford was red spray paint and heels from Hot Topic.

Despite the less than glamorous exit from show business and the rather embarrassing entrance into the convent with my homemade Louboutins, I remained committed to being outspoken. In today’s world you are either complicit, an idiot or you say something worthwhile. The Abbot is more eloquent than I am, but I’m way funnier. (Sorry boss…and Jesus.) But I have something to say damn it!

One might ask, why did I choose to get involved with St. Gertrude’s. I can tell you, it ain’t the pay. The Abbot has a cowl, a rope belt and a rosary. That’s it. I can’t afford a Chanel habit on that kind of budget. But what the Abbey does offer is an outlet and a resource and that’s why I’m here. The Abbot asked me to come on board to give the place some balance. If you couldn’t tell he’s a bit academic and I barely graduated from a community college with a certificate in VCR repair. (Yes. I’m that old.)

The point of all of this is an online community. While the blog came first (how very man-ish of it) we are here to provide levity and eventually a book club, a bazaar (that was my idea) and a resource for people who feel lost, frustrated, afraid and angry. You aren’t alone. Sr. Organza is here and is feeling it with you. Honey, what the hell is happening? Our world is upended.

JD Vance murdered the Pope not understanding how conclaves work and that DT would never be Pope as he’s Jehovah Witness. Fine. You caught me. DT is not a Jehovah Witness but can you imagine him on your doorstep asking about the Lord? “I’m the best missionary. I invented the position in fact. No one does missionary better than me.” I’d drown myself. We have a whole bunch of women who now dress in pink with big giant diamond crosses on their necks like flight attendants on the most horrifying airline you can imagine. I know a cross is supposed to frighten and intimidate but this is another level of terror. If that wasn’t enough, the middle class’s retirement funds go from “Yas Qween- ready to retire!” to “Jesus Fucking Christ ramen again for dinner?” on a daily basis. Then we have prices of shit that quite frankly should humiliate DT. Eggs? Wine is cheaper. Wine. I can buy a bottle of rose for less than a dozen eggs. That probably explains this post. As an aside, did you know you can drink wine out of a regular glass? No one does the damn dishes in this place. You do what you gotta do.

It’s hard to keep up and it’s hard to even wake up for lots of people. I myself don’t get up until noonish. (That’s a lie. My morning skin routine is a bitch and I’ll discuss that another time. But it involves virgin sheep placenta, Dead Sea mud and vodka.) We need to be here for one another. Maybe the Abbot was right and we need to make life a little easier for each other. Maybe he was dipping too much into the communion wine. (Sure. He can’t afford a proper belt but wine from a artisanal winery is apparently within the Abbey’s means?) Who knows. Look, the point is that there’s a lot of bullshit literally pouring forth from the mouths of millions of Americans. The purpose of this site is hopefully to give you boots to get through it. Can I get an Amen? (But not in a RuPaul way as we don’t have the funds for a trademark infringement lawsuit.)

By The Abbot

“The monk is someone who takes up a critical attitude toward the contemporary world and its structures.” – Thomas Merton

Agnostics, atheists and “spiritual but not religious” are the largest growing areas of identified faith in the world. This is due in large part to science and humankind’s understanding of its place in the universe. With this deeper understanding of subjects like astronomy, physics, biology, chemistry, and genetics, many of the more absurd laws and claims of Biblical scripture become either incredulous or ridiculous. Gay people, largely vilified due to a 1^st millennia BC understanding of human epigenetics, are still reviled and hated to the point of murder in almost uncountable incidents.

This makes what I have to say even more incredulous than say a man, centuries old, tasked with building a giant boat to save life on earth. I am a gay Catholic. Now, I am what most “orthodox” or conservative Catholics would label a cafeteria Catholic. I’m vehemently pro-choice, yet I still deeply respect life in all of its iterations; not merely the human embryonic one. I do not believe that every word of the Bible is the inerrant word of God. I think a ban on women and married men in ordained clergy and leadership is ridiculous. But at the same time, I believe very deeply in Christ’s Gospel message and its practical application to our lives, even from a secular point of view. I do not think that God to be to petty as to punish those who, though they may not be believers, nevertheless, live their lives structured in a way that is in complete accord with the Gospel philosophy of Jesus.

My, sometimes antiquated or naïve belief system, by its very nature makes me a “monk” within the umbrella of Thomas Merton’s definition of what a monk is. I have a deeply critical attitude towards the way most of the contemporary world operates. And it is this that has propelled the founding of St. Gertrude’s Abbey; a home driven monastic practice. Being a monk can be the formulaic kind- found in both Christianity and Buddhism. It can also be a person who makes a conscious decision that they have grown exhausted by modern life and modern people and have determined to live their lives in a different way.

I do not advocate for total Amish-like abandonment of our smart phones, laptops, kindles or Tik Tok. One way to radically oppose contemporary culture in light of modern technology is to deny the power of these things in one’s life and to reorient oneself towards a new focus. For those like me who are religious, you may turn your focus to God- whatever that word means to you. If you are like the vast majority of Westerners, your life will find a different focus. This Abbey provides a sanctuary and a resource to determine what your focus could be and how to attune your living in accordance with that focus.

I advocate wholeheartedly for kind and compassionate self-care. Self-care is not the same thing as being selfish. An individual with a healthy habit of daily self-care is in a much better position to live a self-less life than someone who succumbs to their own delusions of glamour. It is a good thing to exercise, or go to the spa, or take a wonderful vacation. It is a good thing to eat healthy and maybe on occasion allow oneself an indulgence. (Mine happens to be chocolate…milk, bars, ice cream- you name it.) It is a good thing to curl up with a good book or pain or draw or sketch or knit or bake or do any of those activities that make you feel both alive and joyful.

The Abbey would never ask anyone to give up these pursuits and passions. These nurture in myriad ways a people ready to serve others. We are putting on our oxygen masks first. But Western culture goes further than this and it is here that the Abbey seeks to be both a fortress and a refuge from the selfish world. In the West in general, and in the United States specifically, one’s worth is largely determined by what one has rather than by who they are. But even more dangerously, the United States’ political system has itself become closely linked to this distorted economy of stuff despite claims of a religious conservative revival.

We have seen families, friendships, communities, professions, schools, states and indeed our very nation shredded into a confetti of discord. Merton wrote, “We place an exaggerated emphasis on some partial aspect of [the] life, thus unbalancing the whole.” This is not an uncommon problem and even though Merton was talking about life in a monastery, it absolutely reflects the wider modern world. We see whole groups of people laser focused on some aspect of living- usually as it pertains to others. Its not a surprise that so many people are so unhappy. This obsession with the destruction of joy in others is a new and dangerous trend. People seem hyperfocused on all issues LGBTQ and the supposed evilness of these people all the while harming those-who through no choice-must live daily with the reality of who they truly are.

Those who do not understand Pride and the festivities surrounding Pride have never been defined by their neighbors in such a crass and demeaning way based upon solely who they love. Imagine for a moment that you, an anti-gay pride person, were suddenly defined by a trait of yours that you had no control over but had to be reminded daily, hourly even, that it is vile. I tend not to like hair or eye color since these can at least be changed temporarily. You are reminded by neighbors and unfortunately sometimes friends and coworkers, whether consciously or unconsciously just how strange and abnormal you are for possessing this characteristic. You might also find brief rest in a month dedicated to dispelling unreasonable beliefs of society and for a moment take pride in how beautifully, wonderfully and mysteriously made you are.

This unhealthy hyperfocus has also found its way into other areas of life. Lately, DEI. This acronym has become a rallying cry for bitter, talentless, lackluster white people who have become all too complacent in their white bubbles and who claim to be only interested in rewarding “the most qualified” instead of giving a job or promotion to someone of a different race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or disability. The entire purpose of DEI as well as programs like Affirmative Action is to help right a subtle but pervasive wrong that a majority of Americans have rigorously perpetrated on those who are different. And those are differences that are once again immutable – in other words, a difference that a person was either born with or acquired through chance alone.

Yet, we have Fortune 500 companies threatened by boycotts if they dare embrace DEI and entire companies brought to their knees by hate and jealousy. I have never understood why people care so much. So what if the executives at Ford or Target believe that encouraging DEI has benefits beyond what some unemployed, undereducated, ignorant jerk is capable of seeing or understanding. Why does this matter so much to you? My guess is that either people like this are afraid to confront the reality of discrimination and prejudice because they are ashamed of their own activities or they are afraid that DEI may actually force others to learn something outside of their normal, beige, white bread and mayonnaise routine. I ask these folks one thing – at a birthday party- does the celebration of that one person’s birthday negate the specialness, dignity, or personhood of either those who actually are attending the party or even those who were not invited or who didn’t even know the party was going on in the first place? Or does a birthday party set aside a day or a few hours for that one person because there exists something special worth celebrating? Those who are anti-pride, anti-BLM, or anti-DEI are like those people walking by a child’s birthday party screaming at the birthday girl that “My birthday matters too!”

So how does Abbey life negate such thinking? First is a recognition of something greater than oneself. This could be god for some, a goddess for others, Allah, Yahweh, Hestia, Thor, or even the very physics that drive our universe itself and all the unknown power and mystery that it includes. It is only by acknowledging our own smallness that we can go on to a recognition of the commonality of every single human. We are all small in the same way when judged against the immensity of time and space that is readily apparent. The universe has existed for billions of years. Even if you deny the measurable reality of science and feel that our world is only a few thousand years old, you cannot deny that your life span of, if you are lucky, 85 or 90 years cannot possibly be worth more than anyone else’s. We are not even grains of sand on a beach- for that would be too large. With a recognition of our smallness and the shared experience of that smallness, we can really and truly love others because of the preciousness of time made manifest in all humans. We are, in actuality, time incarnate. For without a conscious, knowing creature capable of measuring it- the universe is not aware of time’s existence. Your self-care, your contemplation or meditation, or moments of deliberate self-compassion are a necessary reward for bearing the weight of time and space on your conscious shoulders.

Finally, after all of this, we can begin to ease and even help one another bear the immensity of conscious existence. Why make an already difficult life harder. Because you believe you “worked harder” than someone else? Because it’s “unfair”? Because “that’s just how life is?” Your work and whether it is hard or easy is relative only to the challenges you face through no fault of your own. A person dealing with crushing depression, or crippling anxiety is simply not as able to work like a healthy, vital person. Someone somewhere at sometime has worked harder than you. Compare automotive line workers of today with those of the early 20^th century. No one can doubt that assembly line work can be grueling but imagine doing it with no safety standards and without the protection of a union.

We are the authors of world’s working. It is we who decide what’s in or out or what’s acceptable and what is not. Our society and virtually everything in it, is make-believe. Money? It isn’t real but the idea of it has kept billions of people in crushing poverty and under the boots of the obscenely rich. We decide which values and goals are our collective priorities. And it is through this ethos of a nation or a community that we become great or die by suicide. Anytime a nation-state seeks to subjugate and control others based on race, sex, sexuality, religion, et cetera, they risk their own demise. The mechanics of authoritarian nationalism are in direct opposition to liberty.

Nations like the United States, blessed beyond measure, take upon itself with the fruits of those blessings a responsibility. We are faced with a choice – will it lead by example, a world desperately hungry for the most basic of human needs? Or will we forgo our ethical responsibility and impress upon the world a false narrative that because our people are richer, or more “hard working” or militarily stronger that we then hold the right to dominate them?

It might seem like a stretch, but being a home monastic, embracing the ideals of compassion for the world and oneself, can lead to the disintegration of deadly selfishness on a global scale, but it can and it must. If we are to succeed as a nation- as a people we would do well to look to those who believed the same things we do. Persia? Greece? Carthage? Rome? All great nations by our definition. All gone.